How Much Is Your Smile Worth?
From the moment we open our eyes and prepare for work in the morning, we ready an invisible mask. The awkward yet kind smile to a neighbor in the elevator, the calm expression saying “It’s okay” even when stepped on in a crowded subway, the friendly voice of a clerk saying “Have a great day!” when you order coffee. Our society is like a vast theater stage, demanding that each of us perform the ’emotions’ fitting our roles.
Today, let’s delve into this deep story of ’emotional acting.’ About the precious emotions of our era that we have yet to value, but someone is putting a price on.
Emotional Management at the Highest Altitude
Here is Sujin, a flight attendant who wears the most graceful smile aboard a plane soaring through the sky. The first and longest lesson she learned during her training was not safety protocols or service procedures, but ’emotional management.’ The company’s thick manual stated, “With a warm heart inviting passengers into their homes, make the sky your happiest place.”
One day, on a fully booked flight, a passenger began demanding a window seat insistently. His voice grew louder, and all eyes turned to Sujin. Inside, waves of embarrassment and slight anger rose, but her face displayed a calm, lake-like smile. “Sir, I’m very sorry. The flight is fully booked, so seat changes aren’t possible, but I will do my best to make your journey as comfortable as possible until arrival.”
This is ‘Surface Acting.’ It means changing only facial expressions, tone of voice, and gestures to fit the role, while leaving true inner feelings untouched. Her jaw muscles trembled slightly, and her heart raced a bit faster, but outwardly she was the perfect ‘friendly flight attendant.’ However, this kind of acting consumes a great deal of energy. The greater the distance between the real self and the acting self, the more fatigue called ’emotional dissonance’ accumulates deeply inside.
Soon after, a child with a pale face from fear of flying began to cry. Sujin knelt down to the child’s level and made eye contact. She recalled comforting her younger sibling during a thunderstorm when she was a child. She transferred that sincere desire to reassure her sibling to the child now. “It’s okay, little one. This plane is very brave and will fly bravely above the clouds. Shall we look outside together and explore the wonderful cloud kingdom?”
Her voice now carried warmth genuinely from the heart, not forced politeness. The child sensed this sincerity, gradually stopping crying and listening attentively.
This is ‘Deep Acting.’ It is a more advanced emotional management technique where one uses personal memories or experiences to genuinely generate the emotions required for the role. Because the inner feelings and outward expressions align, deep acting can be less mentally exhausting than surface acting. But it also has its problems. Repeatedly using private memories and feelings as company assets can blur the line between what is truly one’s own emotion and what belongs to the role of ‘flight attendant.’ Was that warmth truly ‘me,’ or was it the role?
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Emotional Workers in a Space Where Only Voices Remain
Let’s change the scene. This is a call center office divided by countless partitions. Minjun, wearing a headset, serves customers using only his voice. His emotions are invisible, but through tone, speed, and word choice, he must convey feelings of ’trust’ and ’empathy.’ On his desk is a small mirror with the phrase “Respond with a smiling voice,” because speaking with a smile makes the voice sound warmer.
“I understand how frustrating this must be for you. Let me check right away.”
This was right after hanging up from a customer who had just angrily shouted in a rude tone. Minjun’s true feelings were stained with humiliation, but he immediately had to ’transmute’ his emotions into ’empathy’ and ‘commitment to resolve.’ This is the moment when private feelings become a public commodity. Here, emotions like anger, sadness, and embarrassment are strictly forbidden. Only the company’s established ‘Feeling Rules’ exist.
When Emotions Are Priced, What We Lose
The stories of Sujin and Minjun are no longer limited to specific professions. Everywhere services are provided, even in relationships with colleagues or friends, we act according to predetermined ‘feeling rules.’
The problem arises when this emotional labor is prolonged.
- Disconnection from Self: Repeated deep acting can make it hard to tell if the emotions you feel are real or acted. You might find yourself controlling emotions ’like dealing with customers’ even during arguments with your partner after work. This leads to ’emotional alienation,’ where the owner of your feelings becomes others or the organization, not you.
- Burnout: Squeezing out emotions requires far more energy than expected. Like pouring water into a bottomless bucket, no matter how hard you try to generate positive feelings, you may end up in extreme exhaustion as if all emotional wells have dried up.
- Loss of Emotional Ability: Repeatedly using certain emotions while suppressing others can dull your ability to feel and express emotions. You might become like a robot who doesn’t feel joy when you should be happy or shed tears when you should be sad.
A Moment to Check in with Your Heart
We live in an age where emotions are sold. Your kindness, warmth, and empathy have become precious ‘commodities’ that someone is willing to pay for. But remember: just as every product has raw materials, your emotions have a source called your ’true self.’
How about taking a quiet moment today to check in with your heart, which has worked hard playing many roles? Put down your mask for a while and quietly observe your true feelings, free from any control or management. Were you really angry today? Were you actually very sad? Or did you unexpectedly feel a moment of joy?
That brief moment of facing your true emotions will be the most precious time to protect yourself in this era where emotions have become commodities. Because your emotions are never disposable.
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