Wounds of Others: The Stories Hidden Within Their 'Irritability'

On the Invisible Scars We All Carry

Questions That Stop Premature Judgments: The Wounds of Others

A coworker who snaps over minor mistakes, a customer who snaps at service staff over trivial matters. When we encounter such scenes, we often judge others too easily rather than considering their wounds. “Why is their personality like that?” “They have no patience.” But have you ever paused to ask yourself this?

“What experiences has this person gone through that shaped their perspective? If I had gone through the same, would I think the same way?”

These two questions act as a compass, rescuing us from the quicksand of judgment and guiding us toward empathy. They point to an important truth in life: “Wounds heal, but scars remain.” The ‘wounds’ from events may heal over time, but the memories, changed thoughts, and new ways of perceiving the world—the ‘scars’—remain in our body and mind forever, altering how we live.

This truth is most clearly illustrated by writer Kim Hong-shin’s poem “You Know When You Experience It”: “You know when you’re hungry, rice is heaven. You know when you’re sick, health is a great treasure. You know after losing it, how precious it truly is.”

Abstract knowledge is cheap, but experiential knowledge is gained through pain and loss. This poem perfectly explains why we cannot fully understand someone’s perspective without understanding their ‘scars.’ Experience is the only true teacher of value.

The hardships and losses we endure are assets that cannot be fully conveyed to others. Just as Helen Keller imagined the preciousness of sight from her perspective of blindness in “Three Days to See,” we cannot directly “know” others’ experiences. We only think we do.

Ultimately, each of us carries an irreplaceable portfolio of wisdom gained through unique ‘scars.’ To judge someone hastily is to disregard the precious portfolio they earned through pain. We need to reinterpret others’ ‘irritability’ or ‘sensitivity’ not as personality flaws but as rational responses based on their unique experiential data.

Scars from Lack of Experience: “Why Is That So Hard?”

The most common error in judgment is failing to understand why something easy for us is so difficult for others. This is because we fail to see that the other person’s ‘scar tissue’ turns even simple tasks into mountains.

Panic Scar – Fear of Water

An adult who fears swimming pool water can be hard to understand for someone who loves water. Advice like “Just relax and float!” is useless to someone with the scar of nearly drowning.

Stories of people overcoming aquaphobia vividly show how deep and powerful this scar is. The overwhelming panic when feet leave the ground and the painstaking process of relearning basic breathing techniques is a battle in itself.

Overcoming fear of water is more than learning a skill; it is a journey of reconciliation with oneself and water. Understanding this scar shifts our view from “Why are they so scared?” to “What must it feel like to face deep water carrying that fear?”

Scar of Frustration – The Silent Instrument

Watching a great performance might inspire “I want to try,” but when picking up the instrument, the gap between the melody in the mind and the noise produced causes frustration. This is when the scar of humility is etched.

Self-teaching an instrument makes it hard to diagnose mistakes and easy to skip tedious basics. But missing these basics inevitably becomes a burden later.

This scar leaves a deep respect for mastery. Those who have truly tried to learn an instrument never dismiss professional musicians as simply “talented.” They understand the thousands of hours of frustration and repetition—the invisible scar tissue—behind the polished performance.

Scar of Wobbling – The Humble Bicycle

Learning to ride a bike as an adult is a tough training to overcome fear and embarrassment. Advice like “Just pedal hard!” doesn’t reach a beginner overwhelmed by fear of falling and others’ eyes.

Wobbling, falling, and scraped knees are small scars, but they teach the simple truth that confidence is built on conquering instability. Learning physical skills is a hidden curriculum teaching patience, humility, and the importance of a good guide.

Scars of Broken Beliefs: “So That’s Not How It Was”

Now, moving beyond physical skills to the intellectual and emotional world of beliefs. Here, ‘scars’ are the traces left when our prejudices and preconceptions shatter.

Scar of Reality – The Truth Behind the Postcard

We travel with sparkling photos and romantic illusions, but trips are never just highlights. They include discomfort, hardship, and culture shock.

Experiencing traffic jams behind beautiful temples in Southeast Asia or cultural shocks like paid toilets in Europe are ‘wounds’ from the clash of expectation and reality. The lasting ‘scar’ is a permanent skepticism toward simple narratives. Those who have truly traveled no longer see the world in black and white.

Scar of Emotional Labor – The Never-Easy ‘Easy Job’

“What’s so hard about answering phones all day?” Behind such indifferent thoughts about service jobs lies enormous emotional exhaustion. Call center agents suffer the pressure of being the company’s ’emotional trash bin.’

Those who have worked such jobs develop lasting empathy for service workers. They know the forced smile is not genuine but a professional shield against constant emotional attacks. This ongoing emotional pressure often leads to what is called burnout syndrome in modern society, leaving deep scars on mental health.

Pleasant Scar – The Betrayal of JPEG Files

Online shopping failures are familiar to all of us. The absurdity when a hat that looked mint on screen arrives in a ‘greenish latte’ color. This amusing failure also leaves a small but important scar: ‘healthy skepticism.’ It teaches us not to trust appearances alone but to carefully check detailed sizes and reviews.

Once a scar forms, our perspective changes permanently. Someone’s ‘cynical’ or ‘critical’ attitude may not be a negative personality trait but a learned defense mechanism left by experiential scars.

Scars That Reshape the Heart

Now, let’s talk about the deepest scars that change not just how we think but who we are.

Eternal Echo – The Ghost of First Love

People say you never forget your first love. Whether beautiful memories or painful wounds, that experience leaves an eternal echo in our hearts and becomes a ‘scar’ shaping future relationships.

The scar of first love becomes a ‘benchmark.’ It sets our expectations for intimacy, vulnerability, and heartbreak. When we meet someone wary or cynical about love, asking “What was their first love like?” can be the key to understanding them.

Beautiful Burden – Relearning the World Through a Child’s Eyes

Becoming a parent is the most revolutionary experience in life. It is a deep wound inflicted on the past ‘me’ defined by freedom, sleep, and identity. But the scar left is a new and infinite space for love and patience.

Parenting is a journey where parents learn from their children. We realize that losing our temper is not discipline but a failure of self-control, and that a child is not a project to be shaped but a whole person to be understood.

This is the ultimate scar that redefines a person. Here, the ‘wound’ is the death of the self-centered individual, and the remaining ‘scar’ is the new identity of ‘parent.’ When we see parents who seem overly cautious or exhausted, we cannot truly understand their choices without imagining the weight of love and responsibility they carry.

Conclusion

We have confirmed that everyone’s perspective is a mosaic of unique experiences, from small wounds to deep scars that reshape the heart.

Just as Helen Keller ‘saw’ the essence of the world without sight or hearing, we can try to ‘feel’ others’ scars without directly experiencing their lives. This is a core element of emotional intelligence (EQ). Practicing the question “What has this person experienced?” is an attempt to develop a new vision that sees with the heart.

• Key Point 1: Behind everyone’s ‘irritability’ or unique perspective lies invisible experiential scars.
• Key Point 2: All experiences, from physical skill learning to emotional labor and deep relationships, permanently change us.
• Key Point 3: Asking “What has this person experienced?” is the first step to stopping premature judgment and moving toward empathy.

Next time you meet someone hard to understand, pause and imagine their invisible scars. Your small question might be the key that opens the door to a better relationship.